The late First Class Petty Officer Clarence J. Roach
Clarence was a hero. He was a hero as a child, he was a hero as a young adult, he was a hero to his fellow shipmates, and he was a hero to me and our children. I have learned to be grateful to have loved and loss than to never have loved at all. Clarence has been gone now for 7 years this August and I continue to learn lessons through him and his legacy. I hope my words on a piece of Clarence’s story fills your heart with love, laughter, and life.
Where do I begin? Have you ever met someone who was so perfect in your eyes that even if they did something to jeopardize their integrity, they’re name still rings bells? That’s Clarence…..
Clarence was a product of the crack cocaine pandemic that hit the streets of Southside Chicago. His biological mother fell victim and unfortunately her actions created dysfunction for Clarence and his sisters Tameria and Shonita. Shonita was the oldest among the three. She was vibrant and witty and did everything in her power to protect her siblings. Fortunately, they were placed into foster care and placed with a neighborhood pastor and his wife “The Roaches”. They were adopted not too long after that and the permanent home was in Riverdale. Clarence was a troubled kid. Not only was he diagnosed with ADHD, he also suffered from emotional behavioral issues. Mrs. Roach noticed the behavior and immediately placed Clarence in Tae Kwan Do. She quickly realized that structure and patience is what he needed.
His family grew bigger and bigger adopting more Roaches to include Allison and John not to mention the eldest siblings Tammy and Lawrence. Those childhood memories included many lessons including gang violence, protection for his sisters (who held their own by the way), and of course the necessary act of protecting his last name “Roach” lol. Things took a turn for the worst when Father Roach passed away unexpectedly but Mrs. Roach held her own raising those children. She taught them dignity, pride, respect, and honor.
When Clarence was 16 Mrs. Roach passed away. With nowhere to go he was sent to Military School. From military school he went on to graduate and join the United States Navy. He served his country for 13 years and was looking forward to retirement. In 2008 we met on a hot Fourth of July day. We talked for hours. Right then I knew he was my person. Moving forward to an apartment, pregnancy, and a wedding CJ was always by my side. When my father was sick, he made sure to check on him, sharing backgrounds and military experience which may or may not have included Jack Daniels and Pepsi. He made sure to sign up for volunteer work in the community whether that included picking up trash on the beach or assisting with the presentation of the flag at the Jaguar games. He believed in giving back to the community by serving as a mentor to school aged children. We had our first child in 2009. He was the very best father. From changing diapers to staying up with our daughter although he just worked a 12-hour shift. He cherished her. He took her everywhere as if she was the best thing that ever happened to him. It truly brightened my day to see him interact with her (Maybe even a little jealous).
Our love story happened so quickly. We then became pregnant with our second child and relocated to San Diego, Ca. I was a complete nightmare on that road trip, and he was so patient lol. I could totally see his frustration, yet he treated me with so much care and kindness throughout my many “Mountain meltdowns” lol. We conformed to California, we worked together to ensure a healthy marriage. He succeeded in rank, but some bad decisions caused a small hiccup. Even in turmoil he was able to be self-aware, hold himself accountable, and come out of it on top. And that’s what life is about. His entire life included him being self-aware of his emotions and behaviors, holding himself accountable, and persevering through the storm.
Writing this brings tears to my eyes. I used to talk about these things in a negative tone with asking my God, why would you take him from me. He endured so much in his lifetime was it necessary to take him? But now my tears of the emotional roller coaster include a more positive tone. A tone to show that a child can endure so much trauma, death, and discernment and yet still choose to take a path that includes serving his country, being a great father, a mentor, providing for his family, an awesome husband, and the best person.
Clarence’s death has not been easy for me or my family. My children have endured the trauma of seeing their father come and go in that uniform to seeing him surrounded by military personnel playing TAPS. Every day is hard. Watching our children grow up, milestones, personalities blossoming with only the one parent dynamic is beyond difficult. Clarence and I used to talk late nights about our goals and plans as we age and grow old together. I confided in him that I often thought about death. His response was “Don’t be afraid to die. We will grow old together and our lives will be so fulfilled with happy memories, successful children, and chasing grandkids that we will be at peace knowing our legacy lives on”. At that point death meant nothing. To know that the person that I was spending the rest of my life with was not afraid of death. To know that his belief in our God was so strong, that his belief in his marriage was so powerful that his life was truly fulfilled, even after the test and trials that presented to him.
I watched my husband take his last breath, I listened to his last heartbeat as the Chaplain and his shipmates surrounded me with tears in their eyes. Death is easy…. Living in the aftermath…. that’s the tuff part.
They say when a red cardinal appears to you someone you love that is gone is saying hi. I see a red cardinal at least once every three months. In my heart it’s CJ saying hi and to keep going.
Be blessed.
Respectfully,
Takima Porter-Roach